I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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