Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
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Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
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How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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