mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
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And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
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I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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