Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
