nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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