oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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