OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
