shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Is it penis luge time yet?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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