then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
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