One girl and one boy is just not enough.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Randomize
