She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
