I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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