She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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