You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
