they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
