I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
