Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
