loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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