it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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