Can i not drive my cunt home
So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
