So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
i was born a porn star she said
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
