i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize