it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
it glows. i had to have it.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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