Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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