I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
