I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
