I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Randomize
