i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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