:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize