tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
You brought string cheese to the strip club
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize