We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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