R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
