I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
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Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
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We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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