Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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