is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
