First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Vodka?
Forever.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
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