Umm I'm too high to move.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
