He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
