OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
