I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
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I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
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I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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