my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
