Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
