I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Randomize
