1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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