My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
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