3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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