it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
