Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
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he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
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So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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