every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
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The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
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Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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