Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
