I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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