I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
