Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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