Taylor Swift is so right about you.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
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