But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
