Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
This is the high leading the old right now
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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