i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize