I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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