2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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