clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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