three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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